DAY SEVENTEEN ~ MEETING SEVENTEEN
Am I being honest with myself?
Whew! This was another new meeting for me, but I was told about the topic and I thought that maybe I should be there. It is tough for me to go somewhere new, especially when I don't know anyone, but I did it because I knew it was important. So, am I being honest with myself?
On the surface, I think I am being honest, but when I dig deep down inside me, I'm not so sure. It is very hard to be completely honest, especially with myself. I am very good at talking the talk, but am I walking the walk? I can easily say the things that others expect of me, but when it comes down to it at the end of the day, can I live with what I have said. Is it the truth?
Recently, I had to do something very difficult and send my parents a "letter of intent" to keep them away from my children. The reasons for this are many, but the biggest one is to protect my children from the abuse I have suffered. At first I was nervous and anxious and constantly thought I was going to pee in my pants. Then, I started to feel some empowerment and knew that what I had done was right and to heck with everyone else. But, was I just fooling myself into thinking I felt this way or did I really believe it? And, if I was acting "as if, " is that so bad, until I can really believe it? I just don't know.
Until tomorrow ~
I'm Kim
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