~ Sexuality ~
Dear Friends on our Journey ~ ~ ~
In our Journey to Recovery discussions, many topics of interest to those of us who have compulsions are discussed. One of the most important has been our collective and interactive discussions on the subject of sexuality. A big part of this discussion had to do with our bodies ... and our body image. Before I begin this essay on sexuality, I hope you will enjoy this extraordinary original poem by one of our members from Ireland.
My Body - a Wasteland,
A place of neglect, of abuse
of uncaring indifference where
nothing grew except to grow
larger, each day.
In some small places creativity
tried to seep through the cracked and
useless earth, in the forms of Poetry,
of Writing, of Painting and other Art Forms,
But these moments were short-lived in
a place of such annihilation, of despair and
Then came a day - when a new Light began to
A new Understanding of this wasteland,
An Understanding that whatever is created is
Created from Love, and
that even This Place has something of value,
something of worth,
And a Reclamation began - a reclamation of
this wasteland I call my body.
A recognition of the true Beauty that has been
there for all of my life,
And a recognition that the responsibilty for
the neglect, was mine,
And the responsibility for
the Reclamation was mine -
And no one except my Creator and I
Could do this for me.
So in Gratitude I begin,
this day and every day that comes,
To water and to feed, to nourish and to
Love, to care for and to cherish this
This Body - No Longer a Wasteland.
Our bodies are beautiful. They truly are. For those of you who raised your eyebrows when you read that, maybe you have been listening all these years to rhetoric that says your body is NOT beautiful.
Look right now at your hands. Look at each of those ten fingers with little creases in each of them and the smooth nail on the end. Is that not beautiful? If you were at some sort of Trade Show and they displayed a model of just one of your hands, would there not be crowds and crowds of people around you exclaiming how beautiful and functional and perfect it is?
Put your hand on your hair. Take both of your hands and run it through each side of your hair. There is nothing more beautiful than our hair ... all colors and textures ... and so many things we can do to it to make it even more beautiful. Shampoos and conditioners .... beautiful bows and barrettes ... hair colors, frostings .... special haircuts. But the main thing is that when you put those beautiful hands up to that beautiful hair it is just all so awesome.
Feel your stomach and your chest. How soft everything is. How flexible and perfect. So what if it has wrinkles or folds. It's still soft and flexible and perfect. Is there anything more beautiful than breasts... no matter how small or large? Another item in a trade show that would be state-of-the-art in terms of function and design.
Our legs. My legs were the only part of me that didn't match the other parts of me. If I'm overweight, they're normal but if I'm not overweight they're too slim. Legs are just wonderful things. The knees and the calves leading to our feet. Rivaled only by the hands, the feet are incredible.
And then there is that other part. Explore it. Wonder at it. Get your lover to do the same. It's wondrous. It's awesome. God created it. It has a purpose. We need to learn it's purpose. And to have that purpose fulfill us.
"When my beloved first stands before
me naked, all open to my sight, there
is a feeling throughout the whole of me;
awe. Why? If sex is no more than an
instinct, why don't I simply feel horny or
hungry? Such simple hunger would be
quite sufficient to insure the propagation
of the species. Why awe? Why should
sex be complicated by reverence?
Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
I believe of everything I have ever read in The Road Less Traveled, these are the most beautiful words I have ever read by Dr. Peck. It is poetry in motion ... spirituality at its best and says volumes about sex as God has created it. The human body to someone in love is awesome. During that period of a sexual encounter it is even more so.
Just imagine, though, if one is ashamed of their body. Try to imagine if one has been made to feel his/her body is not beautiful. In that event one of the most beautiful gifts God has ever given to us can turn into a nightmare. Instead of ecstacy, it can cause us pain. Rather than happiness, we are embarrassed. Instead of tranquility and peace, great anxiety.
Because our disease manifests itself with layers of fat, we have been socialized to believe that this is ugly. It really isn't. I had a strange experience a few years ago with my doctor ... a well-known gynocologist. I've known him for quite some time and he was about to do an endometrial biopsy on me and as one who talks with his hands a lot, he began rubbing my stomach. (Now don't laugh at this ~ this is just the way he is.) I was laying on his surgical table, he was rubbing my tummy and it felt good.
As he did that, he was oblivious and I laughed and said something like "Jeez, I wish you would give lessons to my husband " and we began to talk about sex and foreplay and body image. He then told me to lay down someday and take my hand and do to my tummy what he was doing. I did. It was wonderful.
And I thought about how much more interesting foreplay it would be than the back. :-)
The Recovery Group
Copyright The RECOVERY Group