~ YOU WILL BE FREE ~
Dear Friends on the Journey ~
My name is Mari and I am a compulsive eater. I am so grateful for the hope I have found in my Twelve Step program. There was a time in my life I had no hope at all. One of the miracles I have experienced by living my life as I do now is the freedom I have of resentments. When I look back and remember all the time I wasted resenting people, places and things, I cringe. What a waste.
I was reading 'Freedom From Bondage' this morning (p. 544 in the Big Book.) In this poignant and personal story, a woman tells of her life in the disease. She wore her resentments like a glove and particularly one against her mother, which she describes "as much a part of me as my breathing." She had continued to write that it had provided her with excuses for her lack of education, her marital failures, personal failures, inadequacy and, of course, her disease.
Isn't it amazing how often we look for excuses and justifications for why we eat? Does that make us eat less? Does it make it more palatable that we have the disease of compulsive eating and that it could be killing us? Life is hard and there are always going to *reasons* why we compulsively eat but it simply doesn't matter what those reasons are. The only reason that matters is that WE HAVE A DISEASE AND IT IS NOT OUR FAULT!!!! We live each day with this disease and, because we do, we must work our recovery program as hard as we can. From morning until night, we must pray and meditate and journal and work the Steps and read and do service and do the next right thing. And when we find ourselves resenting someone, we must get rid of that resentment immediately or we will be back in the disease so fast it will make your head swim.
"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, YOU WILL BE FREE. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, YOU WILL BE FREE. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and YOU WILL BE FREE. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.
Big Book, Page 552
YOU WILL BE FREE!!! What a beautiful four-word promise. I can truthfully say that I do not feel bitterness, resentment nor hatred toward anyone in my past life nor my present one. Once experiencing all of these feelings, I consider this a major miracle for me. To have harm done to me and not be consumed with debilitating emotions leaves me the energy to spend productive time on more important things. Freedom is just so wonderful.
The stage of grief hits us at various times ... some sooner ... some
later. And then healing begins.