A Wellspring of Hope
Newsletter of The Recovery Group
April 2000
Volume 2, Issue 4
ser*en*dip*i*ty ~ (noun) First appeared 1754:
the faculty or phenomenon of finding
valuable or agreeable things not sought for.
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FEATURED ARTICLES
From Our Editor
From Our Founder
From Our Administrator
From Our Meeting Coordinators
Loop Spotlight of the Month
From Our Recovery Group Members
From the Literature
The Recovery Group IRC Meetings
AOL Meetings - A&R Forum
Announcements
From Overeaters Anonymous
Recovery Group Contacts
The Serenity Prayer
FROM OUR EDITOR
Dear friends in recovery,
Welcome to the April issue of Serendipity. And what an eventful month it has
been! The Recovery Group is a vital, growing, ever-changing presence on the
web, reaching compulsive eaters throughout the world, and the trusted servants
are giving countless hours to the group, working hard to make the Recovery
Group a true beacon of recovery from this dreadful disease we share.
In this issue, our founder, Mari, addresses the Recovery Intergroup's revision
of the guidelines that guide our group. John, the Recovery Group administrator,
has written a powerful message to all compulsive eaters on the loops and in
the meetings about the importance of working the steps. Anne, meetings
coordinator and co-editor of Serendipity, keeps us up to date on the changes in the on-line meetings and the new access to the
#Recovery room.
Then we added something new this month, a new way of introducing you to the
many loops. Each month we will spotlight one or two loops, with a brief
introduction from the loop coordinator, directions to join the loop, the
loop's mission statement, and, if we're lucky, a brief message from a member
of the loop to give us an idea of how the loop has impacted his or her recovery.
This month we are featuring a loop that is new to the Recovery Group,
PMS and Recovery. Sue, the loop coordinator, explains the genesis of the loop,
and Lisa, a PMS and Recovery loopie, shares with us her gratitude for the loop.
As always, we are fortunate to have several of our members share their
experience, strength and hope. JudyN has contributed a wonderful and
enlightening poem about the completion of her fourth, fifth and sixth steps.
Debbie T. describes her early experiences with OA, and her story is certainly
one I and many of you will relate to! Shirley G. honors us by sharing some
excerpts from her recovery journal, and Shana reminds
us that "Eating Isn't the Issue."
Literature for this month is the Fourth Step
Prayer and a quote from the Big Book's "How It Works" about resentment, along
with the first of a three month list of recovery slogans - 11, 21 and 25 are my
personal favorites from this group. The newsletter concludes with a list of the
weekly on-line Recovery Group meetings, announcements, OA information, and
contact list.
I want to take this time to personally thank all of you for your contributions,
and for your support of the newsletter. Our distribution list grows monthly,
and all of the comments we have received have been positive. I only hope that
you will continue to contribute your experience, strength and hope, because
that's what SERENDIPITY is all about!
Love in recovery,
Suzanne,
Editor
SERENDIPITY
FROM OUR FOUNDER
Dear Serendipity Readers,
A group or organization is only as strong as its foundation
allows it to be. The firmer the foundation ~ the healthier the
group. The Recovery Group is growing larger each day ~
compulsive eaters are reaching out to us for help almost
every minute of the day through our loops, our online meetings,
our studies and our website. We're there for them 24/7.
But it is not enough just to be there ~ we must provide them
with a recovery home that will be safe .. and serene .. and we
must not be here today and gone tomorrow. If there is one
person in our loops and meetings or if there are 1000, we must
strive to let compulsive eaters everywhere know that they can
depend on us.
In keeping with our mission, we aim to make our foundation
as strong as we can possibly make it. As I write this, the
Recovery Intergroup is reviewing, discussing and preparing
to vote on something that will assure the firmness of our
foundation ~ our Guidelines .... The Recovery Traditions.
By the time Serendipity reaches you the revised guidelines
for the new millennium will be well on their way to being in
place.
And our foundation will add yet another link in the
chain that holds us all together ... and keeps us strong.
@-}-}-}------
Love in recovery,
Mari
The Recovery Group
FROM OUR ADMINISTRATOR
Twelve Step Programs
Idiotic as it may seem to say, the purpose of a Twelve Step recovery
program is to work the Twelve Steps. In the Big Book we read the wonderful
Promises. These are stated to come about as a result of having worked the
Steps. In Chapter Three, How It Works, we are told that there is no other way
than to take the Steps. And on the other hand, for those who work the Steps,
"Rarely have we seen a person fail..."
Someone said to me recently that the proof of completing the first three
Steps is to be actively working on the Fourth. Turning our life and our
will over to the care of the God of our understanding is not accomplished by
words, but by continuing to work the Steps.
I can tell you that for me, the last seven years of my life have seen
wonderful changes. I began with a sponsor to work the Steps. And I have
done so ever since. My sense of the spiritual has become profound. I
have been given a release from my compulsion one day at a time for almost
seven years now. The "middle" steps have helped me to recreate a way of life
for myself that has so little of resentment and fear compared to the past. I
have found the power of my true self in my Higher Power as a result. Life is
rich. Abstinence is wonderful.
So I urge everyone to take the Steps. The escalator is broken. There are
no softer, easier ways.
Love,
John
Recovery Group Administrator
FROM OUR MEETING COORDINATORS
Dear Friends,
As always, another month of change within the Recovery Online Meetings.
We have had an exciting change to our meeting schedule with the addition
of a new Big Book Meeting. The meeting is held on Thursday nights, 9.30
PM and hosted by Lloyd. Last week we had a record number of forty people
at this meeting, so grab your Big Book and join with other loopies in
sharing your experience, strength and hope as you go through the Big Book.
This month has seen new meeting leaders join us and I would like to
personally welcome our new meeting leaders Becky, Deborah, Lloyd, Sharon
and Syl. I would also like to thank all of our Meeting Leaders and
Substitute Meeting leaders who have kept our meetings going despite being
low on permanent meeting leaders. I would especially like to thank
Audrey, who has been doing up to seven meetings a week consistently for
almost six months and provides amazing support and service to our
meetings, as well as putting everything into each meeting that she leads.
The other change this month is the web access to the #Recovery room.
StarChat have made some changes and provided us with a new address to
access meetings ~
http://cluster.starchat.net/recovery/
To access our online meetings, here is what you need to do:
1. With your web browser (Netscape or Internet Explorer) go to
http://cluster.starchat.net/recovery/
Be patient! It takes a few minutes for the page to download because of the
chat software (called an applet).
2. If a screen comes up asking you if you want to accept the Java Link,
click YES. (Not all computers get this message).
3. On the first line, type in your nickname eg. Jane
4. On the second line, type in the channel name. It should by default be
set at Recovery so for meetings in #Recovery leave it as is. If you want
to go to another channel, type in the channel name, such as
SpanishRecovery or Christian&Recovery.
5. Click on the Connect Now button at the bottom left and wait again -
takes a while.
A new window will open with the chat room in it.
If this doesn't work, please email us explaining what happened to
RecoveryMeetings@yahoo.com
or Cindy at RecoveryTech@mail.com
and we will help you get into the meetings.
Hope to see you online at our meetings.
Love in recovery
Anne
Meetings Coordinator
The Recovery Group
LOOP SPOTLIGHT
PMS AND RECOVERY
We just started our PMS Loop and we are very excited. This is a special
place dedicated to COE women who would like to share openly about issues
of recovery that arise during PMS. There are a total of 18 members in our
group. If you struggle with recovery during that time of the month and
feel like you would like to share your hope, strength and recovery with us,
we would love to have you! This group was started because I myself was
struggling and felt that PMS was such a personal and womanly issue that I
did not feel comfortable discussing it on any other loop. I heard others
share the same, so here we are!
Love
Sue
PMS And Recovery Coordinator
MISSION STATEMENT FOR PMS AND RECOVERY LOOP
The PMS and Recovery Email Discussion Group is a place where those of us who
have compulsive behaviors towards food and who are also experiencing PMS issues
can meet with others who suffer, and can share our experience, strength and
hope with one another. One of the nice things about our loop is that you are
accepted and understood and loved exactly the way you are. PMS is biochemical
and can be treated. It is not a joke and you aren't crazy. If you are going
through a PMS crisis, we understand. If your abstinence has been threatened by
PMS, we've been there. If mood swings make your recovery harder each month and
your life miserable, we know where you're coming from. You will meet a bunch
of "strangers" here, but you will find out that these strangers may become some
of the best friends you will ever have in your life.
To subscribe to PMS and Recovery, send a blank email to
PMSAndRecovery-subscribe@onelist.com
~ A letter from one of our members follows ~
I am a COE who suffers from my disease about tenfold every 4th week.
Why? I have PMS. I have known a lot of people in program to look at me
funny when I say that one week out of the month my cravings go through
the roof. I really needed to talk to someone who understood my problem.
When the PMS and Recovery loop came along it was a gift from God. This
loop is so special to me because I know I am not alone. I know there are
other people who suffer like I suffer, and to whom I can turn when I am
having trouble. There is also a lot of experience, strength and hope
shared in the loop, which helps me to not feel stuck in my disease.
Just the knowledge that they are there, the support they have given, and
the feeling of no longer being alone, has made this month go by much
more smoothly for me. I am deeply grateful to my HP for putting these
people in my life.
Love,
Lisa
FROM OUR RECOVERY GROUP MEMBERS
THE SEARCH ~ ON COMPLETION OF MY
4TH, 5TH AND 6TH STEPS
JudyN
I scurry here and there
Searching, gathering
A fear, a hate, a prejudice,
A hurtful word, an undone
Act of kindness for a friend
A grain of sand, a little stone
A bolder here and there
Pushing, shoveling,
Scraping with bare hands
That tire and bleed
Unearthing everything
The mortar of my friend is
Gently given and feverishly
We stack them up
Arranged just so
These ravages of my
Past laid down with
Care and hopefulness
Then in strength and trust
With faith and hope
We place each one
Just where it fits
Exactly in its place
As if all were cut out
Long ago to a pattern
And a plan!
I cleanse my mind, my heart
In ancient rituals of sage
Smoke swirling round about
Like wind that draws the
Blanket near and gives a
Time to rest to search
I close my eyes
I open a lonely heart
With hands that tremble
With hope
The voice resounds
With clarity
“Take one step more”!
I do and turn and stare
An archway rises high
Behind me! I made it
Through!
Beyond the past dissolves
And in each place where a stone
Was gathered a brilliant gem appears
Each gem is picked up quickly
And placed into my hand
“You will need them in
Your journey as Light to guide
The way for others
to this door
I clutch them tightly
To my breast
Mine! They are my
Reward for all my pain
For all my work
“Oh, no my child they
Are not your reward”
They are the gifts I
Gave long ago for
You to give away
Because I knew from
The start you would
Find your way
So I hand them out
At every chance
In hopes that others
See what G-d has
Done for me
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KEEP COMING BACK
It was quite obvious at my very first OA meeting 11 years ago (March 23,
1989) that I didn't belong here. After all, there were some very odd
people in that room. Most of them weighed more than I did, thus proving that
*I* didn't have a problem.
I was highly insulted that I wasn't asked to leave until I listened to the
lead for the evening. She was bulimic and I realized that THAT was why I
wasn't asked to leave. Those people thought *I* was bulimic too. Well, I
wasn't, so I sure didn't belong here.
They ended that meeting with the Lord's Prayer. Being a good Catholic
girl, I was STUNNED when they added, "For Thine is the kingdom, the power and
the glory forever." Catholics didn't say that part! Obviously, I had
entered the room of some Protestant/odd people/bulimic group. I sure didn't
belong here!
To top it off, I ran smack into someone I knew. How HUMILIATING! And
what was wrong with this woman anyway? She was Catholic, wasn't odd, but I
didn't know if she was bulimic.
I wonder why I went back the next week. There was nothing said that first
night that made me want to return. Yet there I was again. And again. And
again....
One of the things I heard was to get a sponsor. Find someone who had what
I wanted. What I WANTED? Oh puleeezzze. I went straight for someone who
had what I did NOT want. She was obese. I figured by choosing someone who
weighed more than me, if she ever said anything I didn't want to hear, I
could say, "Look honey ... Like you can talk!" I quickly added crow to my
food plan because she was a wonderful sponsor!
I had a delightful honeymoon with the program. I immediately got abstinent
and lost every pound. At my first lead I was fit, trim and gorgeous. So,
naturally, there was little need for me to continue in OA.
Boom! Flat on my face!
There is a Big Book story called "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict." If you need to
know anymore about me, you just need to read that story. As he said,
"Shakespeare said, 'All the world's a stage, all the men and women merely
players.' He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always
able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad
to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did."
I have struggled many, many times in this program. My self-will continues
to run riot. But I always know where the answers are. And I know that all
of you will accept me, wherever I am, even with crumbs on my face. That is
the truest blessing of this program.
So, if you're a newbie or a seasoned veteran who still hasn't perfected
your abstinence, I say this, "Keep coming back! It works IF you work it."
Debbie T.
EXCERPTS FROM A JOURNEY TO RECOVERY
Dear Friends,
In an effort to share my experience, strength and hope, I would like
to share some excerpts from my journal:
5/25/99
Called OA yesterday and got a lovely woman named Robin who was quite
helpful, and said she'd meet me at the meeting on Thursday night. I was
so moved. I sat and cried while telling Reinie (my husband) about it.
I had forgotten how giving program people are.
6/5/99
I'm so grateful for this time of abstinence. It's wonderful to be hungry
at mealtime, and then satisfied afterwards. But I am so afraid of
losing it........
6/19/99
(Writing in the 12-Step Workbook of OA)
I could be called a professional dieter because I've spent so much time
and money developing the skill. I am facing the fact of utter defeat.
I returned to OA (after a 10 year relapse), kicking and screaming and
clutching my halo. There is so much more God has to reveal to me and I'll
trust he'll do it at the right time and in the right way. If self-will would
have helped, I'd not be overweight now.
7/19/99
Something is keeping me from beginning my 4th step inventory. I don't
look forward to dredging up old feelings. Maybe if I just write a
little bit each day........
8/19/99
When I thought I was through with my 4th step inventory, I prayed about
it. Then today I wrote 5 more pages. This was a breakthrough for me.
9/19/99
What I've learned about fear when 5th stepping my inventory is that I
was hanging onto it in order to avoid growing up and being an adult. I
see that I can just put fear aside and be myself because I'm good
enough. Fear keeps me stuck, and has been my excuse for inaction.
12/31/99
Dear God, Please take all of me. Make whatever adjustments you want,
and then when you return me, and whatever else in my life you want me to
have, it will all be as it should.
1/8/2000
Did several unselfish acts today that only God and I know about. (In
continuing the work of step 4 I will examine) Pride: noticed no false
pride today. Fear: Yes. But I handled it by using the "I" message.
Anger: Yes, at myself when I saw the results of my blood test. Too much
fat. I overreacted but quickly brought it under control. Self-pity:
None today. Greed: not today. Honesty: I allowed myself a snack before
bedtime, but did not limit the amount of almonds I ate, and feel as
though I ate too many.
Today, I continue the journey, confident that the God of my
understanding will never leave me .... even when I leave myself! I am a
work in progress that will terminate when I do. Please know, you who
read this, that you are dearly loved and treasured.
Love,
Shirley G
EATING ISN'T THE ISSUE
After a life of being a compulsive overeater, and 25 years of hearing
personal shares in the OA rooms, I have come to believe that there is no
"MO" (mode of operation) or typical childhood that springs forth a
compulsive overeater.
Eating ISN'T THE ISSUE. If we look to the Big Book and 12 and 12, we
can see that we come from all walks of life; we have either been
deprived of food as a child; overfed out of "love;" sweets were never
kept in our homes, therefore we went in search of sweets to our friends'
homes; sweets were always kept in our home and we felt that we were
never given limits regarding food; our sisters and brothers were given
dessert but we weren't because we were chubby, thereby making us feel
rejected and we got even by eating food on the sly! Do I have to go on? We
have done it all, heard it all, and eaten it all.
We are COMPULSIVE OVEREATERS! To not see that food is not the issue is
to reject the bottom line... We are all given the same road to take in
OA, there are no detours for the junk food addicts, no stop signs for
the over the top protein eaters -- in fact, we are here for the same
reason with the same problem. So, why do I feel that if I hadn't been
given potato chips as a child I would have been thin? Or, if my mother
would have baked me cookies then I would have felt happier and would
have been thin? Why does my sister weigh 60 lbs. less than me and why has
she never had an interest in food? Why?? Because she doesn't have a
compulsion to destroy herself with food as her drug of choice! That's why!
If we spend too much time concentrating on who to blame ... we may never
get well. Blame is a bullet waiting to destroy good people; moms, dads,
doctors, friends, sisters, brothers, you and me. Let's concentrate
on getting well, on working on our souls and "feeding" our minds and
hearts clean abstinence so we can live in this world blame free. Let's
read our books, pray to our HPs for clarity and serenity, eat the foods
that don't call out our worst instincts, and live and be well.
Live and Be Well,
Shana
FROM THE LITERATURE
FOURTH STEP PRAYER
Dear God,
It is I who have made my life a mess.
I have done it, but I cannot undo it.
My mistakes are mine,
and I will begin a searching and fearless moral inventory.
I will write down my wrongs,
but I will also include that which is good.
I pray for the strength to complete the task.
FROM "HOW IT WORKS"
Resentment is the "number one" offender
>From it stem all forms of spiritual disease,
for we have been not only mentally and physically ill,
we have been spiritually sick.
When the spiritual malady is overcome,
we straighten out mentally and physically.
c. 1976, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 64
25 RECOVERY SLOGANS
Easy does it.
First things first.
Live and let live.
One day at time.
Let go and let God.
KISS---keep it simple stupid!
Act as if ...
This too shall pass.
Expect miracles!
I can't ... God can ...I think I'll let him. (Steps 1,2,3)
I came; I came to; I came to believe. (Steps 1,2,3)
If it works ... don't fix it.
Keep coming back .... it works if you work it.
Live in the NOW.
If God seems far away, who moved?
Turn it over.
We are only as sick as our secrets.
Let it begin with me.
Just For today.
It's in the book.
You either is .... or you ain't.
Don't quit five minutes before the miracle happens.
Practice an attitude of gratitude.
The road to abstinence is a simple journey
for confused people with a complicated disease.
Wherever you go .... there you are.
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