~ FOUNDERS CORNER ~

TRADITION SEVEN

The Recovery Group is fully self supporting in every way and we decline outside contributions. The Seventh Tradition can be twisted and turned in every way imaginable, but the bottom line is that it is a good tradition that we honor and find no reason to debate.

There have been those over the years who have said we need to have a Treasurer and that we should "pass the basket" and that regularly we should solicit donations from our members. This, they say, is the "real" Seventh Tradition. We would like to keep the Recovery community free of complications as most certainly would arise in cyberspace should we begin to do this. And why should we have a Treasurer and collect money when we don't need money? Why should we go looking for things to spend money on just to justify what has become the norm for so many non-profit organizations? I'm very proud of the fact that we have a state-of-the-art organization serving compulsive eaters around the world with every recovery service possible and it has all been done by volunteers. There are three services that we do accept. One is our noncommercial website, the second is the network which provides us with the #Recovery meeting room and the third are the list servers which host our loops. We honor the Seventh Tradition by asking our members to make donations directly to Overeaters Anonymous and/or the foundations and charities supported by those who make it possible for us to have our lists, our meetings and our website. But it is very important to remember that we ask that this be done privately, individually and directly. It is not TRG's concern how individuals handle their pocketbooks. Our only concern is that The Recovery Group not lose sight of what we do so well ~ and that is to be here, to give hope and to serve humanity in the best way we possibly can.

The Seventh Tradition is not just about financial support. Each of us shares with one another in many different ways. We do not have a paid staff. We do not have an office in which those who administer our loops work, necessitating mortgages, utilities and taxes. We do not subsidize trips made on behalf of recovery or ask that a certain computer be used for the daily work we each must do to keep our beloved fellowship flourishing.

Instead we have been blessed with dedicated and skilled volunteers who give of themselves day in and day out.

Let us always remember that no matter how little or how much we serve, it is our way of honoring the Seventh Tradition. And there is no higher calling than the giving of oneself to others.

~ The Recovery Group ~
~ Help Wanted Corner ~

An opportunity to share your recovery!

TRG has several opportunities currently available for you to share your recovery with others through service. Please review these, and choose to share your recovery through service today!

NEEDED: ICQ COORDINATORS
NEEDED: LOOP COORDINATORS
Coordinators Needed for the following Special Interest Loops:

• ABSTINENCE AND COMPULSIVE SPENDING
• CO-KIDS
• FOOD-FOR-RECOVERY
• EXERCISE AND RECOVERY
• HOW AND RECOVERY
• PAIN AND RECOVERY
• RECOVERY AND FFOA (Families and Friends of Alcoholics)
• RELAPSE AND RECOVERY
  
  

Dear God,

After much soul searching and a f2f meeting last night, I have decided to stay where I am. Things are much clearer this a.m., which has developed into afternoon. How'd that happen? First things first. Last night, my friend Bob J.F., who is compulsive in all areas in his life, called me for a meeting ride. This is the nut who comes to Florida with me and got me to the hospital when I was the walking dead, and stayed with me for 39 hours. I've been called many things, but disloyal and ungrateful are not among them. We went to the meeting and there were two guys there from long ago, one of whom I was in jail with. Very interesting meeting, and much fun. Thanks for all that, and my awakening this morning. Two reasons I'm so late, well three. One is the woman You sent to run my life and I were being silly and playful, also gossiping about every one and no one. I finally ran her off to work. Every man should have a working wife, and there is a difference between a working wife and a wife who works. I know what it is. We solidified her schedule for next week (she and two daughters are going to Key West for a week), a present from pop-pop (that's me) as they need time together (girl stuff). My job is to stay out of trouble, maybe!! Second reason for lost time was a phone call from a COE who will not (for now) accept Your gift, two hours of frustration for me.

Thanks for allowing me to see me from yesterday and my minor brat attack. Some folks just won't get it, but I keep trying 'cause it's my job. Third reason is the tape of Monday Night Football, oops. Favorite son Michael just called with weekly report on job, law school, and female situation of the week, my pride and joy. Thanks for him. What a pleasure he is. Now we can get on with the day, or what's left of it. I'm going to have a nice lunch now and see what kind of trouble I can get into. Please watch over my family, friends, loop pals, those who still suffer, and of course those folks who aggravate the hell out of me. Would be of great help to be able to hear Your will for me today, and have the power to carry it out.

Abstinence is my way of life. A clean abstinence leaves me feeling light, clear and serene. Calmness comes with abstinence, and life falls into place. I awake to a deep happiness, a satisfaction, a clean feeling. I work for abstinence. It does not come easily. Now I don’t need to run in every direction; I can think about life.

The phone is there to reach out and connect with my OA friends-old and new. We have a special bond. The messages we hear are comforting, and we know the friend on the other end of the line appreciates us. I may not even be able to talk about what is hurting me, but the voice on the other end is there for me. We love one another, and we can hear it. Isolation dies away.

My sponsor knows what is good for me. She guides me, listens and lets me know where the weak spots are. If I hurt, she understands. When I’m abstinent, she knows what it took to get there. I learn from my sponsor how to work the program. She is a wonderful example of recovery, one day at a time.

I want meetings in my life forever. I feel I am a part of OA and am comfortable in the rooms. They are my living room. Without them I would die. I and others talk, and the pain comes out. Our words meet in the center of the room like the spokes of a wheel meeting their hub. This is the only place where I can speak of my pain. Understanding is in the rooms.

I give service, and I am stronger for it. I work my way more deeply into the program. Little by little, giving service pulls me toward the center of that wheel. My feelings for the OA program become stronger, more involved, more deeply felt.

Writing brings out thoughts that are hidden in my heart, and I feel the release that comes from a cleansing exercise. Memories appear suddenly, as if plunked down on the page by an angel wanting me to remember the times in my life when I was frustrated, mortified, angry, heartbroken, screaming. This angel wants me to heal, and so it guides my pen.

I see in the pages of the OA and AA books the anguish I have felt all my life, but the stories are not mine. The words on the page reach my gut. I feel the pain, and it becomes mine. I do not weep for the writer. He or she is not alone any longer. The words touch me, and I am able to weep for myself.

Reprinted from Lifeline, May 2001, Volume 29, No. 5 (P.W., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania USA)

"The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other one higher."

There are countless tools surrounding an OA member on their journey of recovery, some will be picked up and later discarded, others will be grasped and used, some will be ignored and still others will not even be seen.

One of the tools which I saw, I wanted, and I needed but couldn't bring myself to ask for was a sponsor. So for the first year or so I walked my journey of recovery alone. I knew that there was something missing, I felt that other members had an inside track, I saw myself as standing outside looking in with my nose pressed against the glass. Of course this was totally my fault, it wasn't as if I was unaccompanied on this journey, I had a voice, I could, if I chose, ask for a sponsor!

When at last my courage finally caught up, I approached some people with regard to sponsorship. It was a very tentative request and although I knew this was an important tool in my recovery, I still wasn't clear how I was going to use it.

Much of my apprehension was due to the fact that to admit I needed help was bad enough, but to admit I needed help from someone else was "sacrilege." So I believe our initial conversations were more about "getting acquainted" rather than working towards recovery. I have always been aware of the fact that the reason why a sponsor was important to another member's recovery was down to the fact that they had traveled the road before, their experiences, insights, wisdom and listening ear were the qualities that enabled my load to become lighter and my journey less encumbered with potholes and, for that matter, surprises.

Something that I was quick to realise was the fact that a sponsor is only as good as how we use them. If I only talk to them after I have done the deed, then they are powerless in helping me to resist the temptation. If I only approach my sponsor when life is going without a hitch, then I am less likely to gain from their wealth of experience, strength and hope. If I am dishonest or secretive with my sponsor, their guidance will be hindered since they will not have all the facts before them and, not surprisingly, their advice will not always be suitable since what they based it on was half the picture. It felt really uncomfortable at first speaking to another person about my shortcomings, about my innermost feelings and fears. I won't pretend that it was an easy tool for me to use. But I have to say that a sponsor for me is one of the most important tools and has become so because I have allowed them to be.

I can't pretend that I have always liked what my sponsor has advised and have on occasions silently cursed them for it. But it was my willingness to walk this path in the first place that bid me hold fire to the volley of accusations building within me whenever their response wasn't the one I wanted. After all, if I knew I needed one particular answer, then why ask the question in the first place?

Building a relationship with my sponsors has been so rewarding not only because it has made my journey easier but also because they offer good targets for practicing humbleness and modesty. That isn't to say that the transference of experience, strength and hope is a one-way street. I have to frequently remind my sponsor that I can shed light on many of their issues -- I practice this a lot!

One of the reasons my doctor chose to send me to a psychiatrist once was because he was somewhat disturbed about the fact that OA had no "professionals" in it. I asked him (ok, so I am defiant at times) what better professional than someone who has been through the same experience. Dutifully I went to the psychiatrist and we spoke about my membership in OA and my journey of recovery. At the end he asked me if I had any questions. I only had one, why had I been sent to see him? He answered that he didn't really know, since I seemed far more together than many of his contemporaries.

Sometimes I have blighted my sponsor for not coming up with what I saw was the right answer. I have at times felt let down by their "matter of fact" approach. I have on occasion felt them to be unapproachable. These were my feelings fueled by my disease. If I am going to ask for help, then I have to be willing to receive it unconditionally. I cannot put restraints on my sponsor's advice because then I am putting limitations on my recovery. I have to remember also that my sponsor is not God, although at times they feel that they are! They are not perfect, no matter how badly they want to be! They are not the oracle of all things and won't always have an answer to my question. They have not made all the mistakes, so won't always be able to guide me through, no matter how badly they want to.

They are special people who want to give back to the program that brought them out of a world ruled by this disease. They are a compulsive overeater ... Just like me!

Take Care One and All ... including my long-suffering sponsors!

Love and Hugs,
SueG

Are You Afraid of Becoming Thin?

In August of 1998, Lifeline magazine reprinted an article from 1973 called "Are you afraid of becoming thin?" Maybe it will speak to you as it did to me. Here's a recap of the article.

Basically, the article said that fat people (and BOY do I hate the "f" word!) actually need and want to be fat for a variety of reasons. It's only when the person becomes willing to release the weight that s/he actually loses it . . . that means being willing to release the fears we hold.

The 10 reasons for remaining fat were:

1. Fear of increased performance required by others. If you're fat, then people don't expect much out of you because you're always so tired, you're weak . . . your fat is an excuse for a lifelong dependency on others.
2. Fear of greater self-expectations. We smother our dreams and goals under layers of fat . . . if we lose weight, we might actually have to work to make them come true.
3. Fear of losing love and acceptance you may have gained by being fat. You've been accepted this way all your life . . . why change now???
4. Fear of sexual or social rejection. A fat person can blame his/her rejection on being fat . . . if you're thin, you might actually have to deal with *other* reasons for rejection, such as a sucky personality, or other character defects.
5. Fear of substituting a worse vice for that of overeating. Sort of the "sticking with the devil you know than the devil you don't know" mentality.
6. Fear of failure in dieting. If you try and fail, who do you blame? It's better not to try at all than to risk failure.
7. Fear of becoming too thin. Nobody likes a bony person . . . it's better to be fat and weak than thin and weak. (Isn't *that* an insane thought! But remember the original article was written in 1973... who knew we'd get those damn supermodels in a few years!?)
8. Fear of methods of becoming thin. You can lose weight with diet pills, crash diets, living in a sauna . . . and everyone knows how dangerous all these things can be! Better to be fat than risk killing yourself.
9. Fear of not being able to handle social or sexual overtures. Everybody knows you only attract undesirable people when you're fat . . . they're easy to get rid of. But what if you were thin and someone you really liked was interested in you? And you know, if you were thin, you might turn promiscuous . . . better to stay fat and avoid the pain of relationships.
10. Fear of the unknown. What problems come with being thin? If you never lose weight, you never have to find out.

Step Twelve

I am one of the many members of the WTS loop and we just got to step 12. Thumper shared some things that have hit home within my soul and need to be expressed. When I first walked into these rooms I was immediately welcomed by everyone in the room. But when I asked others to sponsor me, no one would. They said either they didn't have time or had too many sponsees or not enough recovery themselves. Many of the people I know in recovery do not have a sponsor and this is a pity.

What is it about twelfth step work that we run away from? Does it mean that we feel inadequate or want to stay in our sickness? I have to say that for the first few months I was afraid of the relationship that would result from sponsorship. I was afraid of being rejected, of being inadequate, of failing to help someone else. But the point Thumper made was that twelfth step work is for me more than for the other person. I can't make anyone abstinent or successful in program. All I can do is to change my focus from self to others. When I reach out to others, God places people in my life who share issues I also have. By sharing my experience, strength and hope with them, I find that I end up having to pull on all of my program tools to work with them and be positive. Working with others help me to discover what my needs are and strengthen my own program.

I have been reaching out to one person in particular for several years now. That person is anorexic and I fear he will die unless he chooses recovery. The anorexia has stopped working, so now he is drinking every day. He talks to the people at the bar of this restaurant, but these relationships are not of any depth. They feel to me like safe relationships because they are superficial. I keep calling him because he can't reach out, he is so afraid of recovery. This is a person who needs my unconditional love and the support of the tools I have learned to use in recovery. My trying to reach out to him has shown me that if I weren't trying to work with him, maybe he would already be dead. I am non-judgemental with him but clear that he has to decide what is right for him. After Thumper's share on Step Twelve, I realize that working with him has only strengthened my program, and made me see how important reaching out to someone else can be.

I feel that if we want this fellowship to survive and thrive with hope, we need to reach out to those in our f2f groups as well as here on the loops. If this fellowship weren't in existence nine years ago, I fear I would be dead now. I want this fellowship to be available to those suffering from this disease in the future, so they too have a safe place to heal. This can only be done when I become willing to work with others suffering from this disease, telling them of the miracles I obtained from working this program. Talking about what I have gained by working my program to the best of my ability fills me with gratitude and positivity. I need to walk through the fear of working with others and realize that the results are in God's hands and not mine.

Thanks for letting me share.

One Year in Recovery

I've only been in recovery a year, but I noticed some things have changed on my way through recovery. Today I took the bus, and felt proud that I no longer needed 2 spaces and didn't have to be melted in to begin with. When I first started to walk, orders from the doctor, at first I moaned and groaned to have someone carry me, and I only took a few steps. Now whenever I need to go, I try to walk as much as I can. I no longer get catcalls from kids like "there goes miss fatty two by four." I'm not at my goal weight, but I already have guys looking my way and I think to myself, what are they staring at me for, what did I do? I'd been in negative thinking until I joined The Recovery Group. I have begun to enjoy the blessing of taking some steps toward recovery. I can get my clothes now and not have to buy from the plus shop. I have lost 62 pounds and only need to lose 24 more to reach my goal. I feel good about myself, and more so since I volunteer for service because I've gotten so much back in return.

~ Reflections on The Twelve Steps of Recovery ~

I don't like to hurt people. But I have. And I do. I don't like to BE hurt. But I have been. And I am. It's part of life. It happens. When I took my first Eighth Step, it was not a good one. I left out a very important person whom I had harmed. A person who didn't deserve to be hurt and one whom I should have loved enough not to. The person whom I had harmed and I had not become willing to make amends to at the time of my first Eighth Step was myself. And because I was not able to put myself on that list and did not have a willingness to make amends to me . . . that made my eighth and ninth steps more difficult. And less effective. The Twelve Steps are an on-going and never-ending process. Thank you, God.

After we become abstinent from our compulsions, whatever they may be, we begin to look at life differently. And since relationships are a big part of our life, we begin to look at those differently also. I discovered that I had been isolating to avoid being hurt in relationships. This works! If we isolate and don't have too many relationships, there's less a chance of being hurt. Of course, there's also less of a chance for happiness, joy and all the other things that make life worth living.

There are two parts to Step Eight. The first is making a list of everyone we had harmed in our entire life. IN WRITING. And the second part is we must become willing to make amends to each and every person on that list. And before we can make proper amends we must forgive that person. This is an ego-puncturing process . . . and it can be a long process . . . a hard process . . . but a life altering process.

This is another of those days when I don't want to stop writing. This step is one about which volumes are written. And as time goes on, I want to write a lot more in my journal about relationships and Step Eight. I do want to tell you that having a sponsor is almost essential to working the Twelve Steps. Another way is by participating in the Working the Steps loop.

Please remember that Step Eight is NOT about making the actual amends to those we have harmed. It is about making a list of those people and the process of becoming willing to make amends to them.

Dear God,
I have hurt so many people during my lifetime. Please give me the wisdom and the willingness to make amends to them ALL. Even to those who have harmed me.