~ FROM OUR RECOVERY GROUP MEMBERS ~

It’s difficult to put into words the security and love to be found on the Anorexia and Bulimia loop. All I know is that it has saved my life several times. I first came to the loop two years ago, when my weight was dangerously low and my depression so overwhelming that I thought life could never get better. The acceptance I found in the loop, together with the sense of finding a place where people want to get better and are willing to be completely honest about their eating disorders, have brought me back to a healthy weight. The prospect of changing my eating plan to a healthy calorific amount is no longer the worst thing that I can imagine.

Through the wonderful shares from both the old-timers and the newcomers (all at various stages of their recovery) the members of our loop have found a place where their fears around weight gain, or of ending yet another day with their head down the toilet are no longer taboo. We accept that for most of us, the anorexia and bulimia we suffer from are closely associated with compulsive overeating, and the challenges they present are every bit as deadly. Through talking honestly about the indignities of our diseases, and the graphic processes we go through in our quest to avoid food, exercise it off, or purge to get rid of it, we have come to accept that while the physical effects of our illnesses are the most likely to kill us in the short term, it is the effect on our spirits that are the most destructive. While our short-term goals may be to “fix” ourselves physically, and this is something we share on very often, it is the overwhelming message of healing our spirits that keeps many of us coming back.

Anyone of any weight is welcome, if they have suffered or are suffering from bulimia/anorexia, even if not medically defined. Many of us have even been told that we are not "typical anorexics and bulimics" but we know there is no such thing. We do not say to anyone “you don’t look anorexic/bulimic” because we know that weight is not the issue. It is the mind set and ways of thinking which characterise these conditions far more than the body shape. Many of us look “normal” and are of average weight, but we carry a secret which, without this loop and our Higher Powers, would eat away at our souls daily. We feared food, we sought perfection from our bodies, and we were willing to go to any lengths to lose weight and maintain low body weights. The gift this loop (and the love and acceptance we find there) gives us is that many of us are learning ways of overcoming these fears and destructive behaviours. We understand the anxiety associated with weight gain, adding to a food plan, reducing exercise levels, or stopping from purging, because we have all been there, and many of us still are on a daily basis, but we keep coming back. Every day, in every way, this loop is our lifeline, our sanity, and our family of choice. Personally, it is a part of my life which I truly treasure, because it is one of the many ways in which my Higher Power is able to speak to me in a language I understand. It is truly a privilege for me to serve the members of this loop, and I hope to be able to do so for anyone else who believes the Anorexia And Bulimia loop is the place for them.

Lynne D.

In this column we bring you shares from Recovery Meditations, Odyssey, Danny's Letters To God, Journey to Recovery, Reflections, The Promises and many others. This month we continue with Dawn's series, "The Promises."

PROMISE THREE

"We will comprehend the word serenity.
And we will know peace."

Dear Friends,

The third promise is: "We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace." Before I came to OA, I thought that a serene life had to be the most boring thing there was. I couldn't comprehend of life without continual problems and emergencies. If there was no crisis going on, I would create one; that way I didn't have to live in myself. I could ignore the mess inside my head and my problems with relationships.

Now, having been working the steps, and maintaining abstinence, I have reached a state of serenity that I never thought possible. It isn't boring at all! I have more time to work on the inner me. I have more time to focus on relationships. These are now the truly exciting things in my life.

I have found an inner being who is a rather interesting person. This inner person is far from being perfect, but what is perfection, anyway?

Life is a journey, and accepting myself as I am has been a milestone for me. I can now accept my imperfections without thinking that they spoil all that is good within me. I no longer have to constantly work to try to keep others noticing my real or perceived imperfections. I can admit them to others and work on improving them. I have discovered that others share the same shortcomings I have, and life has not always been easy for them either.

This has taken a lot of worry and anxiousness out of my life. I can now relax and be myself. I am no more and no less than any other person in this world. I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else, no matter how perfect they appear to be on the surface. Somehow, the awareness of this fact has helped me find serenity.

The serenity is not perfect. Sometimes problems can interfere, but if I keep my head together and listen to my inner voice, which has become much stronger, I am able to deal with them without panicking. Serenity has opened up a whole new frontier for me. That frontier is within myself. Every day I discover new strengths and new ways to improve upon the weaknesses I find there. I am able to resist the forces which I used to allow to rule my life - panic, anxiety, and fear.

Love,
Dawn