~ FOUNDERS CORNER ~

Dear Recovery Friends,

Over the past year, my little corner of Serendipity has been filled with words about the Traditions which are the guidelines of The Recovery Group. The last of the Twelve Traditions is: "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all these traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities." Actually this is two traditions, although it is quite easy to incorporate them with each other. I'd like to talk, however, about them individually as they relate to The Recovery Group.

Anonymity is very important to those in Twelve Step recovery. I'm not sure I would even be here if it weren't for that because it was very hard for me when I "came out of the closet" as a compulsive eater to admit it. I wouldn't even use my real name at my first f2f meeting nor the first time I joined a loop. I was living in a city where I was very much in the public eye and I wanted to keep my anonymity at all costs. Things have changed for me personally now and my personal anonymity is not as important. But I am like a pit bull when it comes to keeping the anonymity of our members and making sure that The Recovery Group follows this tradition. I think we are blessed to have a way to interact with others to guarantee anonymity to the highest degree ... even more so than in face-to-face meetings. A compulsive eater can log on to one of our groups using an alias, get a sponsor, participate in our online meetings and studies and work a complete program without ever losing anonymity.

As for principles before personalities, this is the cornerstone of our community. We are a very loving and close bunch. We know one another's secrets and ups and downs of life and, because of this, it is very easy for us to form recovery "families." But sometimes familiarity breeds contempt ... and we have personality clashes ... and, as in most families, the inevitable controversy in which out hottest spots are triggered and suddenly we become little loose cannons. We quickly go into our program gear when that happens and revisit the traditions making sure that our arguments and words are based on principles rather than personalities and that we don't manipulate our words and actions to hurt others.

In our loops and in our meetings, we strive for serenity for all. When two people have a fight publicly, it affects everyone. It disrupts the loop. It arouses uncomfortable feelings in others and it interferes greatly with the efficacy of our loop and/or our meeting. I learned this the hard way ... and now know it really doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong. In The Recovery Group we try very hard to focus on the principles ... and leave the personalities to work things out privately.

Happy March, everyone. Spring will be here before you know it.

@-}-}-}------
Love in recovery,
Mari

~ CURRENT SERVICE OPPORTUNITIES ~

Hello Friends in Recovery ~

Today we are sharing with you the service opportunities that are currently available to you within the TRG community. Please review these opportunities carefully, and give yourself a chance to share your recovery with countless others through your service!

NEEDED: LOOP COORDINATORS

• Coordinators Needed for the following Special Interest Loops:
• AA and Recovery
• Disabilities and Recovery
• German and Recovery
• Isolation and Homebound
• OA Anon
• Recovery Kitchen

~ CONFRONTING THE DISEASE ~

Controlled By Fear

I’ll never forget the day I recognized the depths of my compulsive overeating. I saw myself for who I am and was forced to come to terms with my disease. Feelings of fear, panic and anxiety came over me as my stomach churned over the truth that is now the basis for my recovery.

After a meeting, I was talking with another member about my history and struggles with food when she awoke a truth in me that I had long denied. This truth scared me because it fit my life so well. The obsession with food, dieting and weight only scratched the surface. The physical, emotional and mental turmoil were insane. I had become so self-absorbed and isolated that I barely had room for anyone else in my life. I thought no one could understand my pain. I thought that if I could lose weight, I would fit in, and my life would be normal. It was a lie.

I built my attitude upon my denial of fear. I was afraid of all the issues and feelings underlying my compulsive overeating. Because I feared losing control, I tried to control myself to death. It never occurred to me that I had lost control a long time ago. While feeling terrified, crazy and chaotic, I continued to try fighting my disease secretly and alone. Downplaying the obvious effects of the disease on my life, I pushed everyone away out of fear and shame. Inside, I compared myself to everyone around me because I feared rejection.

I started dealing with those demons from long ago and feeling the pain from my past. My efforts to avoid feeling don’t work anymore, and I am grateful for that. I have been coming to OA for more than a year and never acknowledged the extent of my problem until recently. This program has literally saved my life. I am learning that it’s okay to feel the pain, especially the fear, and not act on it. Today my Higher Power is doing for me what I could not do for myself: restoring me to sanity one day at a time.

— Reprinted from Lifeline, Volume 29, No. 10, October 2001
(Edited and reprinted from OA Awareness newsletter, AZ/Phoenix Metro Intergroup, June 1999)

Dear God,

What is this? Another test?? It's almost 11:30 a.m. and my phone has not stopped ringing. Started at 8 a.m. with Gramps, that as usual was such a nice present, thanks. He is a good and spiritual man, at least I think so. The rest of the calls went down hill after him. It's the same old cast, crying the same old tales of why me, poor me and give me. I was, I'm sure, not too gentle with them as the answers they received were to go to You and do as told. They won't but it gets me off the hook. Which brings me to the EGG.

An old and well meaning friend presented me with a two pound Godiva Chocolate Egg he had received from a business associate and he is allergic to the stuff.

Not wanting to offend (sounds like a set up) I accepted the egg and into the fridge it went. All the while thinking the grandbabies will enjoy this. Bullshit. You and I and anyone reading this knows that. Somehow it was forgotten until I heard its lovely alto voice singing my praises. Who could resist Godiva, Queen of Food. Once again into the breach rode the four hundred in the form of, yes, the woman You sent to run my life.

She disposed of the EGG, whose very existence she knew was life threatening to me, and while refusing to tell me of the manner (she does not want me to cry) in which it was removed has spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom this morning. Hmmmmm. The GOMU at work again. Thanks.

Somehow the folks who make themselves suffer so about regaining lost abstinence need to be reminded that no substance abuser ever relapsed if they were spiritually fit. Relapse begins not with the temptation but with the lack of humility produced by being too busy to pray and meditate and hold out a hand to those still suffering. Relapse is a foregone conclusion for those who do not give away that which has been so freely given to them. How utterly selfish.

My meager resources are unable to fight this disease so Your strength is required to do Your will as it is revealed to me today. Watch over my family, friends, fellow loopies, those who still diet and the people I don't like. Have I told You lately that I love You.

AND WHY NOT......Danny

~ FROM THE RECOVERY GROUP MEMBERS ~

The Working the Steps Session is going great guns. Schlomo is our leader. His guidance, pushing and prodding is helping many of us take the next step to recovery.

I have been in OA for nearly 14 years. Until last year I never worked all the steps. I did the 1-2-3 Waltz as Shlomo described. I started at one, continued through two and three and never made it through 4, 5 and 6. Then I quit until another time. No wonder my abstinence never stayed in place. I would not do whatever it takes to stay abstinent. Last year beginning in July, I got serious about working the steps. I made a commitment to myself to work all of them. I followed the leader, worked the 12 step program and before I was finished my abstinence became stronger than it has ever been.

I found the promises coming true in my life. I continue to work the steps every day. Steps 10, 11 and 12 are part of my life. The program does work. It's like we close every OA meeting ~ "It works if you work it."

For 14 years I used the tools and wondered why abstinence eluded me. Others worked the steps, got abstinent and stayed abstinent. When I used the tools my abstinence was better. I would give service, I read OA approved literature, I journaled daily, I had a food plan, I begrudgingly made phone calls, and I kept my anonymity.

It was after I began working the 12 steps with the people on this loop that I knew I would be able to get abstinent and stay abstinent. My abstinence is now the most important part of my life. I work hard at it. I think about it and take care of it every day. Each morning I turn my day over to God. This includes my abstinence. Each day my God takes care of me and my abstinence.

I do not know how this program works. I can give you no scientific reason why it works. I can only say that, for me, working the 12 steps of OA was the most important thing I ever did for my Recovery.

Keep working the steps. These will be the most important 12 steps you have every taken in your life.

Yours in ESH,
JO

~ Life In Recovery ~

This way of life I call OA,
Has changed the way I am today.
I never knew I was insane,
I'd eat and eat, which caused more pain.
Another diet? I was so leery,
Acceptance came when I grew weary.
Sick and tired of controlling the food,
Only to find, a more depressed mood.
Surrender came when I gave up the fight,
Willing to do anything, with all my might.
Am I really this awful, God? I can't accept that,
I'm not that bad, just a little bit fat.
Never feeling good enough, or being picked for the race,
Always being told, "You're so pretty in the face."
"But what about me?!?" I'd shout in my mind,
"Love all of me or none of me, I'm really quite kind."
It's not about food, OA's would say,
Share your feelings on paper, meditate, and pray.
OA has shown me love and spirituality,
And taught me the meaning of true humility.
I never knew I had a spiritual side,
Not 'til OA, took away my pride.
He comforts me with unconditional love,
And gives me guidance from above.
Negativity fades and my head is now clear,
I can get through this day, with abstinence and cheer.
Recovery to me is the ability to be,
Free from the bondage, food once had on me.
I can face the world, and enjoy the ride,
Or sit by and watch, isolate, and hide.
The choice is mine and I choose to see,
My Higher Power's gracious will for me.

. . . . . Lori L.

~ LETTING GO ~

1. To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
2. To let go is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can't control another.
3. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
4. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
5. To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
6. To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
7. To let go is not to fix but to be supportive.
8. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
9. To let go is not to be in the middle, arranging outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
10. To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
11. To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
12. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.
13. To let go is not to criticize, and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
14. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
15. To let go is to fear less and love more.