~ FOUNDERS CORNER ~

Dear Serendipity Readers,

Tradition Ten of the Recovery Guidelines tells us that "The Recovery Group has no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy."

It is very difficult to live in this world of ours without controversy. Because we are a diverse group we come together with many different opinions, religions and political views. But when we enter these rooms we must leave those behind because of Tradition 10. We have one objective here and one objective only. And that is to concentrate so completely on the disease that brought us together and to do everything in our power to free us from compulsive eating.

Sometimes someone among us will get a little bored with recovery talk and bring up their favorite philosophical discussion with the hope that it might spur some sparks. Sometimes someone will say something about their religion and someone else will react to it and jump right in and before you know it we'll be in the middle of a religious discussion spurring more sparks. And sometimes someone will not like the way one of their fellow COEs did something and proceed to belabor it before the group, and controversy begins again.

Rozanne, the cofounder of OA, has written a beautiful piece inspired by the September 11th attacks. While it was not about Tradition 10, it certainly spoke to it. I've written Rozanne for permission to quote her comments to you and, hopefully, by the next issue of Serendipity I will be able to do that.

In the meantime, please remember that The Recovery Group, like OA, has absolutely no opinion on outside issues, and while we all love a good debate, let's make sure it's not in our precious support loops and meetings.

Happy November to all ~

@-}-}-}------
Love in recovery,
Mari

~ WANT ADS FROM THE RECOVERY GROUP ~

NEEDED:
    COORDINATORS for the following Special Interest Loops:

• ICQ
• AA and Recovery
• Abstinent Kitchen
• Co-Kids
• Disabilities and Recovery
• Food for Recovery
• OA Anon
• Recovery and FFOA (Family and Friends of Alcoholics)

Dear God,

Good morning! And it is a glorious morning with clear and crisp weather. The woman You sent to run my life and tell me what to do is in Pennsylvania for two days, and after my face to face meeting and lunch there is nothing for me to do but watch sports and play with the grand-kids. While I'm on the subject of little ones, they are now at the age where they prefer to play with other kids, and they are turning into flat leavers. See if You can scare up another baby or two or three. If needed, put more men on the job.

It's nine a.m. and I don't know where the time has gone. Can I have some back? I didn't think so, but it was worth a shot. This abstinence thing is working out pretty good. One of Your better gadgets, and I could use just one more day. The woman has left me some meals, but for today my heart is thinking limburger cheese sandwich with raw onion on black bread with Dr. Brown's Celery Tonic. All I need do is keep all windows and doors open till she comes home. Gee, I hate these weekends, tee-hee. Please don't ever make me grow up. Being an adult sucks. Let the ladies do that as they are so much better at it. Besides, someone has to raise us.

Time to take care of the three s's and get out. Take good care of my family, friends, fellow loopies, those who still suffer, and all the folks I don't like. Provide me with the power to do and the knowledge of Your will just for today. This world is a pretty good thing, thanks.

And Why Not?......Danny

Balance and moderation have been dirty words to me. My disease tells me I better grab all of anything that feels or tastes good. My disease tells me that life is either all good or all bad, depending on how I feel at this moment. My disease is a big, fat liar.

If I believe that I cannot bear one moment, maybe two, maybe 17 or 207 moments of discomfort, then I will eat everything I can get my hands on. “One day at a time” has no place in the life of someone actively in the disease. It cracks the light of day into the desperation and despair that support compulsive overeating. Making a phone call when I feel at the end of my rope or a little lonely or just because it feels good to reach out is death to the disease. I don’t know where I would be without the tool of the telephone.

Sponsorship is another mighty weapon. I can talk with someone daily who has been where I am now. She will laugh with me, understand my tears and fears, even share her experience, strength and hope. If I’m lucky, she and I will guide each other back to the Steps, to deal with our problems and to stay in appreciative and loving contact with HP, one day at a time.

Service is magical that way. Almost any connection with another person in OA strengthens my program for this day. I don’t have to run the show, or prostrate myself or come up with answers for other people. I only need to show up in some way. Sponsorship is service, as is unlocking the meeting place, calling another member or showing up for an intergroup meeting. I’m terrible at committees, so I’m taking a public service announcement to a TV station this week instead, and I’m writing this piece for Lifeline. The results of either of my efforts are out of my hands.

And who knew paper and pen or a keyboard could be so powerful? I’m sorry when I hear of people in program who haven’t tried writing. I think they still have some critical authority standing behind them, and I hope they will replace that party pooper with HP. I am submitting this piece, but I never show my other writing to anyone. My writing is my private place to let it all spill, no matter how huge, painful, socially unacceptable or messy it is. My morning writing is my daily connection to my emotions and concerns, as well as a place to celebrate, pray and acknowledge progress. This may sound backward, but I often don’t know what I’m feeling until I start writing.

That private writing is a personal expression of anonymity. More important is the trust I’ve developed by having my anonymity respected by those at meetings and by those I share with outside of meetings. I only know of once that someone violated my anonymity, and I’m glad to say that didn’t stop me from coming back to meetings. It is a daily challenge for me to remember to respect others’ anonymity, and doing so gives me self-respect.

I love meetings. I hated them at first, and I hated everyone there. The more I accept my illness, the more delighted I am to bring it to meetings. I have the most wonderful friends, and I found them there. At meetings, I identify and listen for solutions. If I show up and no one else does, then HP and I have some private time. I found the directions to my Higher Power through OA literature. I am not alone, and the literature tells me so. There is nothing as gentle and loving as the OA “Twelve and Twelve,” nothing so invigorating or humorous as the AA “Big Book.” For Today is well thumbed and scrawled upon. When I came into program, I tried to read everything and do everything at once. Now I can take a thought with me, roll it around my mouth and find out how it tastes: moderation.

If I don’t have a plan of eating and don’t know what it is for today, then how will I know whether I am abstinent? Maybe that’s why many people put off using this tool. It is balance and moderation in a nutshell. Sure, it’s scary. But a plan of eating is not a diet. You can’t fail at it. A plan of eating is an invitation to HP to help. Making a plan of eating and sharing it with a sponsor or someone else is reaching out for help. Then it’s up to me to accept that help.

I’ve been asking for and receiving that help for more than 13 years. Perfection I have yet to achieve. A full, warm, challenging and abstinent life I have achieved.

Abstinence is a gift I receive from my HP, one day at a time. Now, that is balance and moderation.

Reprinted from Lifeline, September 2001, Volume 29, No. 9 (C.M., Bangor, Maine USA)

Here is a tiny ray of hope for those compulsive overeaters who are just starting on their journey of recovery. One of my most poignant memories of my disease was from when I was 18 years of age. I had just left home and was caught in a vicious cycle of bingeing, fasting, bingeing, obsessive sports to lose the weight, and then bingeing again. One foodstuff in particular was my big hangup, and try as I might, there was nothing I could do to stop bingeing on it. I used to wake up in the morning and cringe at the thought of going to my cupboard because I knew all my clothes would be too tight and I refused to buy bigger ones for fear of facing my true size. It hurt to wear clothes, cutting into my legs and making it difficult to walk and breathe. I tried every diet in the book and shamed myself publically, declining invitations to meals and then stealing food out of my host's fridge because I could not fast longer than 8 hours at a time.

I truly saw no hope at the end of the tunnel and with time became extremely depressive and self destructive, and felt like dying on a daily basis. What happened? The miracle of life. I met an alcoholic guy. Because I wanted to stop his drinking I joined Al Anon, and soon after joined Overeaters Anonymous. I started working the program. I made those phone calls after, during and then prior to my binges. I journaled. I went to meeting after meeting after meeting. And above all, I watched, listened and talked till tears came to my eyes. It was those tears that began a long journey of healing as the self destructive urges lessened and I learned to listen to what I was feeling and started accepting hugs on the road to healing.

I just want to say, to those among you who truly do not believe things will ever change, who are over 500 pounds and see no hope at the end of the tunnel, please don't give up. If someone had told me I would ever be where I am today, I would not have believed them. Life will help you. Have the courage to start again, every day, one day at a time. This program is truly worth it, if you work it.

Love, courage and just one miracle at a time to you all,
Claudia.

Love vs. Fear

One of the first things my first sponsor in O.A. told me was that fear was the biggest troublemaker I would ever encounter in my life. Knowing I am a religious person, she said something that rather shocked me at first, but then I came to realize how true this statement was. What she told me was, "If you have fear, you have no faith. If you have faith, you won't have fear. Have faith in your Higher Power." I have since always shared this with everyone I've sponsored, and often share it at meetings.

We may think that there are a heck of a lot of emotions flying around us, but, in reality, they all boil down to two: LOVE and FEAR. If you've ever noticed, whatever positive feelings we have seem to come our way because of love, and any negative ones reach us through fear. So we can safely say that all negative emotions come under the heading of FEAR and all positive ones under LOVE.

Fears are creations of the workings of our minds. When we are first born, we know only two fearful sensations: sudden loud noises, and the fear of falling. We come from our mothers' wombs where for nine months we floated in loving amniotic fluid. Our first feeling upon entry into this world is falling from that protective ambient into the unknown. This is "natural" fear ...... one that, through love, we overcome. No sooner do we leave the birth canal than we are besieged by loud sounds all around us: loud voices, tearful sounds of pain and joy, a loud smack and then our own previously non-existent voice, howling and heralding our arrival in this world. No wonder we're frightened! But, again, that's a "natural" fear. We soon become accustomed to the loud noises around us: blaring car horns, radios, televisions, household appliances, trains, planes, all of which become "the norm" in our quotidian existence, and so that second fear dissipates as well.

The fears that generate problems for us are those that we create ourselves .... and they can all be conquered by love. Loving life, loving others is one of the most potent weapons we can employ in order to psychologically destroy the anger, remorse, hatred, jealousy and greed that inflict our characters with negative aspects, all because of fear. We can destroy that fear through love. But first, before we can love life and love others, we have to feel love; we must HAVE it in order to GIVE it. But how is this accomplished? Here we are possibly in unhappy home lives; maybe we hate our jobs, or we can't stand the people we are exposed to on a daily basis; and, most of all, whether we realize it or not, we are so filled with SELF-HATE that we punish ourselves by gorging on too much food, which is, all too often, too much of the wrong kinds of foods, as well.

How can we get out of this trap that fear has put us into? Simply by loving ourselves. If we love ourselves, we'll love others; and everyone will love us, too. This is evident in the expressions "smile and the world smiles with you" and "everybody loves a lover." We LEARNED to hate ourselves ..... we weren't born with that ..... and we can learn to love ourselves, too. Any one of us can delve back into the past and find an unpleasant situation, person or event that negatively influenced our lives, some more tragically than others. But instead of walking away from that unpleasantness, instead of turning our backs on it and ridding ourselves of those thoughts, somewhere along the line ..... through fear ..... we grasped at the unpleasant memory and hung on to it for dear life by way of resentment. So the first thing we must do is let go of the past and leave behind whatever resentment lies there. To do this, we must learn to forgive.

We can never achieve happiness or experience mental, physical and spiritual good health until we learn the art of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not just something we're doing for someone else ... its principal component is aimed at ourselves. Now, it's not easy to pardon someone who has done us wrong. Our instinct tells us to resent that person because he or she has treated us badly. But no one treats us as badly as we treat ourselves when we harbor resentment over a long period of time ... weeks, months, even years ... creating an acid inside ourselves which decays our very being on all three levels, mental, physical and spiritual. Resentment opens the door to all those nasty internal chemicals that can destroy us and remove our positive thoughts and actions. Every living cell is affected by resentment, including our immune systems. After we have faced the memory of an ugly situation and realize where our resentments lie, we can forgive those involved and go on our way towards a good recovery. By forgiving, we are releasing the worry, tension, anxiety and depression that accompany resentment, and we can thereby get on with the business of forgiving ourselves for having abused our bodies through lack of love.

It is our natural right to love ourselves. But somewhere along the line, when we were growing up, the message may have been transmitted to us by our teachers, parents or religious leaders that it is wrong to put ourselves in first place. We were told we were egotistical, selfish or self-centered if we thought of ourselves as No. 1. But if we don't place ourselves first in the love department, we won't be much good to others who need our love. If we don't take care of our mental, physical and spiritual needs, we won't be able to take care of others who may need our help. So we must learn to love ourselves unconditionally. We must teach ourselves to think positively about the situations that confront us. So, we don't like our jobs? Perhaps we should try being thankful that we have those jobs when others are jobless. Our relationships aren't up to par? Well, nothing is perfect, and we should make sure we're not looking for a non-existent TV sitcom-type of relationship. On the other hand, if there is absolutely nothing good about a relationship and it is doing us more harm than good, perhaps it's time to assert the courage to either change that situation or leave the relationship. We don't like our co-workers ..... our neighbors ..... our spouse's relatives? Let's try smiling at them anyway. Kill them with kindness, because kindness (just like unpleasantness) is contagious.

So, here we are now, loving ourselves, loving others, loving life, thinking positively, and actually being happy. Now what happens? Fear flies out the window. We put ourselves in our Higher Power's hands. We let Him handle things, and boy, do things improve! Because, as my first sponsor taught me, if we have faith in our Higher Power, there's no more room for FEAR. There's only room for LOVE. And love makes us feel good all over. It helps us with our abstinence. It helps us with our lives and our relationships. It helps us to help others and so helps us to help ourselves.

LOVE vs FEAR?? What a contest! Only we can decide who'll win. Which will YOU choose?

Thanks for letting me share with you.
Love, MARJEE, OA, Palermo, Sicily

All Aboard the Soul Train

Come, come, I'm waiting to see, the freshness of a world to be.

Speak, speak so sweet and gentle of songs yet to be put to symphony.

Sing the songs known only in worlds beyond these earthly reality.

Come, speak, sing, for all are one in the awakening mind's imagery.

-- Bluerose

Notes on Forgiveness