Dear Serendipity Friends,

Happy November, everyone! We hope you enjoy this issue of Serendipity. There have been many contributions to this edition from our members all over the world and it has been a joy for the Serendipity team of reporters, proofreaders and others to assemble it.

In addition to reading all about activities in the various parts of our community written by the dedicated leaders of their groups, we have some interesting and heartfelt articles from our members about sexuality and how this has been affected by compulsive eating. In addition we have poignant recovery stories from some of our members and a wonderful article about something we're very proud of ~ The Discovery Kitchen. We've even included for the first time a non-fat recipe. Members of Overeaters Anonymous are finding it interesting that more and more as time goes by, OA is speaking about food issues and plans of eating and that is a giant step in the right direction since a healthy plan of eating is so much a part of our life.

So as the weather becomes crisp and summer breezes become only a memory, read on. Also, take a moment to write to us and let us have your letter to send to our members in our December "LETTERS TO SERENDIPITY."

In loving service to Serendipity subscribers ~
The Serendipity Team

~ FOUNDER'S CORNER ~

~ THE TOOLS OF RECOVERY ~

Dear Friends,

In Overeaters Anonymous, we define abstinence as "the action of refraining from compulsive eating." It is very difficult, if not impossible, to recover from eating compulsively if we do not use some or all of OA's eight "Tools of Recovery."

The first of the eight tools is "A Plan of Eating." Our plans of eating are as individual as we are; however, even though varied, whether our plan is rigid or flexible, there must be a plan. There are so many ways to devise a good, healthy, tasty, wonderful plan of eating, and any time spent on this will be worth it. Many of us consider our plan of eating a gift we give to ourselves. We put it in writing, keep it in a safe place, work with our sponsors and soon incorporate it into our daily lives.

In December, I would like to write to you about the second Tool of Recovery ~ Sponsorship. Who knows ... by using these first two Tools of Recovery during the food-oriented holidays coming up in the two months ahead, we can be ready to begin 2005 in better shape than ever. Armed with our Plan of Eating and a Sponsor, we will be well on our way to the miracles we've all been promised.

Happy November, Loopies.

@-}-}-}------
Love in recovery,
Mari

Our "general sharing" support groups are called the Recovery Loops. These loops are the cornerstone loops of TRG and the very first ones. Many members of these loops share daily with other members and many times long lasting friendships begin here.

Some newcomers come to us and ask "what is a share?" "How do I know what to share about?" and "what is a good share?" The Recovery Loops are OA loops and a "good" share is one about some aspect of recovery. Ideally, a member will write according to the following formula:

How was it?
What happened?
How is it now?

The loops of Discovery are continuing to thrive and grow. Discovery Kitchen is a loop where people can discuss food, recipes and food plans freely. Since so many loops restrict the discussion of specific foods, this has become a safe haven for open questions and discussions about specific issues. Elsewhere in this Serendipity issue is a feature article about the Discovery Kitchen and one of the recipes found on its home page.

Exercise & Discovery is a small but friendly group of people who have incorporated exercise as part of their recovery. Here, we discuss all aspects of our recovery and check in to report our daily routines. We don't require a rigorous workout routine to join, and we have everything from daily aerobics to weekly physical therapy. All are welcome!

On the kids side of things, Cody is the Coordinator for both Co-Kids and Kids & Discovery. Kids & Discovery is a loop only for kids and trusted servants. It is a warm safe place for children with eating disorders to discuss their recovery, and is moderated by Cody, so there is always adult supervision in the rooms. Co-kids is a loop for parents, grandparents, or basically anyone who needs help helping a child who eats compulsively. Parents can reach out to each other, and together with Cody, all work together to help our children. All in all, it is great that we have these loops for people to discover and find when they are in need!

The Yellow Brick Road is an unmoderated loop where folks can journal, chat, or just have a safe place to talk to each other or their HP. If you need a place to write, vent, or share your story, this is the place for you!

Submitted By:

Cody and Mary W.
Discovery Loops Coordinators

Dear Recovery Group Members,

Here are some tips on sponsoring and being sponsored. In OA, sponsor and sponsoree meet as equals. The process of sponsoring is this:

• A compulsive eater who has made some progress through working the 12 steps of recovery shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another compulsive eater who is willing to receive the gift of abstinence by working the "proven, workable method" that OA offers.
• A sponsor can answer those questions that come up between meetings with other compulsive eaters.
• Choose a member with whom you can talk freely and confidentially, and ask that person to be your sponsor.
• And remember, OA members who have recovered the gift of abstinence want to share what they have been given, because their own recovery is strengthened when they share it with others who are receptive.

• November 15, 2004 ~ Deadline for December Serendipity Articles
• December 1, 2004 ~ Deadline to rotate service
• December 31, 2004 ~ End of 2004 Term of Service
• November 25, 2004 ~ OA Online Meeting Marathon #Recovery
• December 25, 2004 ~ OA Online Meeting Marathon #Recovery

A few days ago I read a post by a fellow loop member who thanked someone for their share, saying, "It was exactly what I needed to read!"

It struck me how many times I have seen just that kind of reaction, even when the post they were referring to hadn't stirred me very much. Of course, it didn't have to. Not every post does, and that's the beauty of the OA program.

Just as in real-life meetings where a person's share can bless one or many as God wills, every online post has the potential to be a blessing to someone.

In face-to-face meetings, service opportunities are clear: You can be a greeter, stack chairs, provide literature to members, or keep them informed about meeting schedules. In online groups, service opportunities are not as obvious. However, each of us has an individual story, which, put into the context of our common struggle with food, can make a difference in someone's life.

Don't think that your part of the story doesn't count. Your post will probably touch someone, and sharing it may even touch you. Finding out that someone else is in the same boat as I am always helps me realize I'm not alone, and putting my thoughts and experiences into writing helps me to see my situation more clearly.

I wrote the following poem to say thank you to those who have and will continue to share their "experience, strength and hope" unselfishly,

With love in recovery.

Keep coming back, and keep posting!

~ Donna

More is not better. Fast food restaurants are beginning to realize that; however, most restaurants don't. There is an obesity epidemic, and yet when we go to a restaurant, it seems they have not yet heard the news. In this article, buffets won't be discussed ... but for a compulsive eater who is active in the disease, walking into the doors of a restaurant serving a buffet can do great harm to a plan of eating.

With the busy lifestyles of most of us now, it may be necessary to eat out a lot. A typical restaurant portion might be two or three servings, and that's before the rolls and the chips ... before the dessert and all the other extras.

Gleaned from health wire reports, here are some tips for portion control. Take what you like and can use, and leave the rest.

• Share everything - appetizers, entrees and, of course, dessert.
• Split the entree and order an extra side salad.
• Ask for a lunch portion, even if it's dinnertime.
• Ask for a child's portion or a senior portion, even if you're neither.
• Ask for a to-go box when the food arrives, not after you're full. Then put half away for tomorrow before you start to eat.
• Pause periodically during the meat and judge whether you feel full. Many times compulsive eaters aren't aware of that feeling automatically. Don't go by whether you've cleaned your plate.
• If you know you're going out for dinner, eat small meals during the day so you don't arrive at the restaurant hungry.
• Eat from a small plate, using your dinner plate as a serving platter, and you won't feel as if you have to finish it.
• Even if you start with a good portion plan, having a drink or two may impair your resolve to carry it out.

Hi, I'm Derek, and I'm a compulsive overeater. I can't ever remember being "normal" with food. I always remember being the biggest, even at junior school. One of my very early memories (I was around 6 years old) is of walking home from school and being bullied by an older boy - won't go into details here - but the point is that after I made it home, I know that I ate to "get over" it. In a way, that seemed to be a pattern in my life - food was my friend and comforter.

This "friend" was with me always. As a lonely child, isolated and never feeling part of the crowd, I turned to food as an escape. I would bunk off school, and hide in my bedroom with some "treats.” Going to work, I discovered booze as well, and though I'm not an alcoholic, I used booze like I used food, to hide behind. I never felt I fit in at work either - I always felt like an outsider who didn't understand what "they" all understood. But (I admit now) I was good at what I did, I got married and had 2 children, I did all the stuff that people do, I bought all the things that people buy. Eventually I was a middle manager with an expense account in a busy job that took me to work in Edinburgh (I live in London). I also had an ever-increasing weight problem.

I have tried many diets, - all work, for a time - my first diet was when I was 15. At that time I stopped eating sugar for the first time. Looking back with hindsight, that was one occasion where I forced myself to eat properly. Although it felt good, I missed my "friend" and soon found ways of sneaking back there.

In my 20's, my activity and stress levels were such that I maintained my weight. At that time I was "large.”

In my 30's, I yo-yoed a lot. When the stress was there, I would lose weight, but then it would come on again afterwards.

By my 40's, I was at the top end of “Extra Large,” and I no longer lost weight with stress, or maybe I didn't feel it anymore. I did feel some stuff though, like self-loathing, lack of worth, envy, hatred of others and myself. I had burst through the psychological barrier where I could no longer get clothes from "ordinary" shops, but had to go instead to the specialist Bigger Man outfitters. It was odd there, because I was not the biggest in that shop, an unusual occurrence for me!

I had all but given up on diets at this stage. I did try the Atkins Diet and lost 8 pounds in one week, but put on 12 the next week. I started one more round of Weight Watchers for Men, but that lasted about a day. I was a hopeless case. I could not stop eating, I hated myself for doing it, I felt a failure.

Then 18 months ago, someone on an on-line chat asked if I'd heard of Overeaters Anonymous. I hadn't, but it had occurred to me in the past that I was addicted to food, so I went and found the website. You probably know it - there are a set of 15 questions to answer, and it says, “If you answered yes to more than three, you may have a problem with food.” I said yes to 14. For the record, the question I answered "no" to was, "Have you ever been treated for a food related condition?”

I went to other websites, found on-line meetings and e-mail loops, eventually picked up the courage to go to a f2f meeting. I soon found that when people started sharing their stories, they would be telling my story! People who I would have said had nothing in common with me (on the outside) were EXACTLY like me (on the inside). I was Home :))))

Oh! it's not all been roses and a sudden transformation into a Brad Pitt look-alike (although I'm working on that - LOL). I wanted what I saw OA people had, but for a time I wasn't willing to do what they did. I guess, as the BB says, I was looking for an easier, softer way. But eventually, I got more serious, got a sponsor, worked the steps to the best of my ability. I found it easy enough to accept that I had an obsession of the mind, but I doubted that I had an allergy of the body. With my new self-knowledge, I could eat one piece without it worrying me - I thought!

Actually, I am a hopeless addict - and I proved that to myself one last time after the close of a project I was working on (at least I pray it was the last time I need to learn that lesson). I had spoken to my sponsor and assured her that I would just have salad and some fish at the party we were going to. But I didn't. I had something which I now see is a trigger food. After taking this first compulsive bite, I went on my final (I pray to my HP) binge. The next day I woke with a food hangover, feeling like crap, and knowing that I had to get serious about this or I was doomed. That was almost six months ago (October 28th is my six month Abstinent birthday!!)

Today I can see the Promises coming true in my life. I am making friends and my relationships are improving. Since being in program I have lost 40 pounds, gained a Higher Power who loves me unconditionally, been to meetings, retreats and conventions. I have people in my life who love me and who I love. I've even found that I can love people I don't even like very much! I HAVE found a new freedom and a new happiness. I give service whenever I can, because it is insurance against the time when I might think that a Bacon Double Cheeseburger and Large Fries will solve a problem, or if I ever think that "just one" is an option for me.

You know, just last weekend, my son brought in one of those large bars of chocolate and left it open on the table for all to share (he's a good kid, really!). None of it got into my mouth, and it was there for a whole week before the three normal eaters in my house finished it. That is amazing. And it wasn't a struggle for me not to sneak it - it was not mine to eat. I am at last willing for my HP to take away my food obsession. All I need to do is the footwork for not taking it back!

For anyone who has made real all the way down here, thank you for being such an important part of my recovery.

I love you guys,

Derek

The Body

My Body - a Wasteland,
A place of neglect, of abuse
of uncaring indifference where
nothing grew except to grow
larger, each day.

In some small places creativity
tried to seep through the cracked and
useless earth, in the forms of Poetry,
of Writing, of Painting and other Art Forms,
But these moments were short-lived in
a place of such annihilation, of despair and
total neglect.

Then came a day - when a new Light began to Dawn,
A new Understanding of this wasteland,
An Understanding that whatever is created is
Created from Love, and
that even This Place has something of value,
something of worth,
And a Reclamation began - a reclamation of
this wasteland I call my body.

A recognition of the true Beauty that has been
there for all of my life,
And a recognition that the responsibilty for
the neglect, was mine,
And the responsibility for
the Reclamation was mine -
And no one except my Creator and I
Could do this for me.

So in Gratitude I begin,
this day and every day that comes,
To water and to feed, to nourish and to
Love, to care for and to cherish this
Remarkable Body.
This Body - No Longer a Wasteland.

Lynda G.