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TRG SPEAKER PROGRAM
Personal Stories of Recovery
~ Lucy ~
Hello everyone, My name is Lucy and I
am a grateful abstaining compulsive overeater.
I am so thankful to be able to share my story
with you, my fellow recovery partners
because without you, I would have no story.
I would have no recovery.
I'll start from the beginning.
My father was a coe and I am convinced that
I inherited his capacity to overeat from birth.
My mom said that I was always
hungry - even as an infant. I remember the
feeling of always wanting more food and
more time eating.
I learned as early as age 5 that food not
only served to tame the physical cravings to
feel full, but it also had a calming effect.
There was a lot of tension in my house
growing up and I needed a lot of sedation.
My parents fought constantly and they
were never at peace. My Italian mother
feared that I would gain weight and look
like my bipolar father, so she took it upon
herself to control my food intake.
My early coe-ing was done while she
was not around, of course.
Although my mind was constantly on
eating more, I didn't have enough access
to food to become obese in my teens.
I was a size 9 in high school, which
seemed huge enough to be a full time
dieter with my best friend, Sue.
We were always trying new diets
or talking about them.
While Sue lost her weight, remained thin,
and moved on with her life, my disease progressed.
Freshman year of college I went from
125 pounds to 145 or so. The food
was unlimited in the cafeteria.
I was insatiable. I ate to stay awake,
to study, to calm myself and just to feel full.
I'm not sure what happened but in less
than a year after my college graduation
I hit 195 pounds, and at age 22 I was
headed for the 200 pound mark.
In my twenties, I was always the
bridesmaid and never had a boyfriend.
I also didn't have the confidence
to land a teaching job. So 3 years later
I signed up for graduate classes
and pursued my master's degree.
I met my husband at college and we
were married two years later. In 1992
I had it "all": a husband who loved me,
the teaching job that I always dreamed of,
a house, and yet the damn disease progressed.
I still was unable to diet and my weight
continued to climb. By the time I
was 32 years old I weighed 250 pounds.
I no longer needed the food and yet
I couldn't stop eating.
At that weight it was hard to conceive,
but 6 years later we were blessed with
our first child. In 2002 I had my third child.
I absolutely loved being a mom and
I constantly dreamed of being thin for the kids.
When I turned 39 I found the Atkins diet
and for the first time in my thirties I was
under 200 pounds. I was 199 but eating
more than ever - I couldn't tell you how
many net-zero-carb items I ate.
When the diet stopped working my
weight climbed back to 222.
Fast forward to October 2006.
I was miserable from being defeated by the food.
I even stopped fantasizing about being
thin because I knew that it wasn't in my
power to ever stop overeating.
Although food ceased to be rewarding,
I couldn't stop eating. I just couldn't stop!
I went to my first OA meeting stuffed
from dinner and I even stopped at a
convenience store and ate after the meeting.
It felt so strange being there and the
people made no sense to me.
Quite frankly I had nowhere else
to go with this problem so I continued
to attend different meetings.
I would sit and listen and never make
it past 9 days of following a food
plan - someone else's poe.
This went on for 6 months. The desire
to feel full was always there and I
couldn't block it out.
Ok it gets better now.
: )
May 2007 - Mother's Day, I was
sitting on the couch feeling doomed.
Our new laptop was sitting on the
end table next to me, and I picked it
up and logged on to The Recovery Group.
I shared and people welcomed me
and thanked me.
Their responses touched me and
something finally clicked in my brain.
I don't know what it was but I knew
that this time it would be different.
Every time I felt like opening the
fridge I would log on to a meeting.
I shared and shared and shared and
one by one the number of days that I
was abstinent began to grow.
I must add that my husband thought
I was nuts ....
Those early days of abstinence were the
first time in my life that I ate in moderation.
It was miraculous how the more I
shared the weaker the cravings were.
I began experiencing the OA Promises the
moment I put down the large quantities of food.
The difference this time was that I:
Developed my own plan of eating that met my
personal needs
I had the constant
support of fellow sufferers around the
clock, every three hours.
I had a sponsor who listened and
gently guided me through the 12 steps.
I led meetings every month and
worked with a sponsee.
I read the literature.
I prayed.
And prayed and prayed.
Was it a lot of work to just eat
moderate meals one day at a time?
Absolutely! But I wouldn't have
traded it for anything.
This past Saturday, I received my
one-year chip. I gave the leader a garbage
bag of my big clothes to show my
commitment to the program and to
serving God.
I will always have the desire to eat
more - always - and I may slip; but I will
not return to that person living in the disease.
I understand that I will need to use the
tools each and every day and I accept that.
I am kind, fun, creative, dynamic, sexy
(my friend just called me that) and I intend
to grow as a person that I was meant to be.
I carry the message - I have a lifelong
disease but I no longer live by it.
I live with it.
I am Lucy a grateful recovering coe!
Thanks for reading and for being
part of this journey with me.
I'd like to end with my favorite OA prayer.
TWELFTH STEP PRAYER:
My spiritual awakening continues to
unfold. The help I have received I shall
pass on and give to others, both in and
out of the fellowship. For this opportunity
I am grateful. I pray most humbly to
continue walking day by day on the
road of spiritual progress. I pray for
inner strength and wisdom to practice
the principles of this way of life in
all I do and say. I need You, my friends,
and the Program every hour of every
day.
Love in Recovery
Lucy
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