Step Two - "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
The spiritual principle this step holds is faith. I thought I would have no problem at all with this step because I have believed in God for as long as I can remember. And yet, I still doubted that a Higher Power could help me out when it came to my compulsion and obsession with food.
My sponsor helped me understand when he gave me this information:
**George Buttrick, sometime of Harvard, had a saying, "You can't doubt what you don't have." So doubt is really a sign of faith. Certainty does not allow for either.**
As with acceptance and denial, faith is not the opposite of doubt, but rather they are both on different ends of a continuum. Doubt being faith covered in ignorance. It is our job to come full circle and shine the light of faith (trust) on doubt.
I didn't understand that what I was lacking was a Higher Power big enough to equal the task. My God was limited and was limited because my belief came from my ego. You see, I believed but I didn't trust that my H.P. would deem me worthy or my problem important enough to give it attention. God might help you but certainly not me. It is after all ALL about me me me.
My ego simply reproduced it's limited self in my view of my H.P. My God was a personal God which makes sense except that He was an entity, A big SELF (me enlarged) and nothing more. What I needed was a God that was much more than that. I need a God that is "All That There Is (and isn't for that matter).
I needed a God that was like what we know in the new physics, A God that is both a particle (individual entity) and a wave (all of it together). I couldn't see the bigger picture because I am like the fish in the ocean who doesn't know she is surrounded by ocean because she never gets out of the ocean to see the whole picture. She is right there in it, it is her very atmosphere.
My faith in the end didn't have so much to do with my believing in as much as it had to do with opening myself up to. My body and mind (and emotions) were stuck in habit, the habit of compulsively overeating. My habits are powerful vibrations I am caught up in. They are the veil (the ignorance) that is covering the truth of my healthy self. I needed to break lose of this sticky atmosphere that I had surrounding me and holding me down. OA and the Steps tell me there is a solution, and it is a spiritual one.
"One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change." (AABB pg. xxvii)
To be free from our dis-ease we need more than the tools of the program (which we do need), we need a psychic (soul, self, mind) change. Since in the final analysis body/mind/spirit are united and not separate, a spiritual solution is a wholistic one.
For me, the second step came in bits and pieces. I did not take it all at once. I am a slow learner.
First I "came:" I suited up and showed up.
Then I "came to:" I began looking around and saw folks in OA who were happy, joyous and free. They still lived in the world but their perspective was a very different one than mine. I paid attention to what they said and what they were doing. I followed suit.
Then I "came to believe:" It turned out to be more than "belief" it was experience of the fact.
One day at a time.
1) Where are you on the continuum between faith and doubt? faith________________________________________________doubt.
2) As compulsive overeaters, our bodies and minds are stuck in habitual mode. Can you relate to insane "habits" of mind and body?
3) Do you have a Higher Power equal to the task of restoring you to sanity? If not, does ego keep you in doubt thinking that it is all about you as opposed to a much bigger picture. Does the analogy of the fish in the ocean, or not seeing the forest for the (individual) trees, resonate with you?
4) As compulsive overeaters we are always wanting more. Are you open to the experience of taking the steps as a way of opening yourself up to the spiritual and sane "More."?
5) What three things are you grateful for today?
Step Three - Friday, 10/11.
All my love,
"Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us." (AA 12X12 pg. 33)