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Hello fellow travelers.
My name is Donna and I am a food addict.
In Step One, we looked at ourselves and our lives, and admitted that we are powerless. This admission included acceptance of who we are, for today. Step Two asks us to move from this acceptance into the realization that there is a way to make progress, toward living in freedom from the effects of our addiction.
I have tried so many things, in the past, to try to control my eating. Although my substance of choice is food, I believe that the food itself is not REALLY the problem. It is my opinion that the basic problem of addiction is the quest for "more than". Because we addicts often feel as though we are "less than", we find ourselves wanting "more than" our portion (of food, of fun, of sensations, of life). With food addicts, our addiction often leads us to a literal choice of a larger portion of food.
Step Two asks us to embrace the belief that there is Someone or Something which can order, reorder, guide and intervene in the circumstances of our life. Some people balk at the idea of a Higher Power, and use their reluctance to avoid the 12 steps. If this fits you, then ask yourself: how far have we arrived, by our own best efforts? How much of a permanent change have we been able to make? For many years, the founders and followers of AA have reported their greatest successes, in recovery, to have come after surrender to a Higher Power. We do not have to ENJOY the need to surrender. Just to know that, in this Program, that surrender has proven to be an essential part of the recovery process.
For some of us, defining our Higher Power seems easy. If you are a person of faith, you know the name and the nature of your Higher Power. But part of personal growth is utilizing the resources of that Higher Power, and sometimes that requires that we examine our belief system; to see how well it is serving us, for the purposes of recovery. I have been raised in a faith which clearly defines beliefs, for me, and I have adhered to those beliefs for most of my adult life. And yet, I discovered that I had to reassess my beliefs when I began to work the steps-because, despite my belief in God, sometimes it was hard for me to believe that He would (or could) actually DO something to help me recover from my addiction. This was the result of the countless times that I have asked (and pleaded!!!) for God's help, and still ended up with my addiction wreaking havoc in my life. Those times left me feeling as though I had been ignored (or that maybe I had been helped and not been worthy or able to access His help). So I had to take a very long look at what I actually believe about God...versus what I SAY I believe.
One thing that was helpful for me was one of the exercises I will provide, in the questions below. It asks you what you want your HP to be and to do, in your life. Although we do not "create" our own God, we can often access those attributes of His which will be helpful, for our recovery. If this Power that guides our life is High enough to give us the gift of recovery, then surely that Power has whatever we truly need, in order to achieve that recovery. Begin with what you think you need, and begin to believe it is provided for you, each day. Live each day with faith in that provision. It is as simple (or as complicated) as that.
No one definition of Higher Power will be adequate for everyone. I will define my HP in terms which may be very different than how you would define yours...even if we go to the same place of worship! The important thing to remember, in Step 2 (as I have heard it said by a senior member of one of the meetings I attend) is to embrace and live by two basic beliefs: 1) "There is a God" and 2) "That God is not me".
Think about your life, and what you believe might help you to gain a proper perspective on your life and your addiction. Do you need to feel unconditional love? Do you need to know that your needs will be provided? Do you need to feel relief of anger, frustration, loneliness, or injustice? Whatever you need, look for it not in yourself (OR your substance of choice) but in the allotted portion of this 24 hours, with the help of your Higher Power. Look within yourself for the need, and outside yourself for the solution...and then begin to seek the guidance and help which will allow you to accept the gift of recovery.
Blessings in the Program
Donna-food addict
STEP TWO QUESTIONS
Here are some questions for Step Two, based on the OA Step Workbook. I have included, at the end, an exercise given to me by my therapist, which helped me alot the last time I was trying to figure out just what type of life I want to live, one day at a time, in recovery.
In the words of Mahatma Ghandi "Be the change you want to see, in the world."
1. In what ways have I continued to find comfort in food, long after it began to cause me misery?
2. Since my willpower can't change my way of living, am I willing to look for a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity?
3. If I do not believe in a Higher Power, can I "act as if" I am getting help with my life? How would I do that?
4. Do I believe in a Higher Power, yet not really believe that HP could (or would) deal effectively with my compulsive eating?
5. What do I want and need my Higher Power to do, and to be, in my life?
Here is something to try. It helps you to visualize your life, in progressive recovery. I want you to imagine that you are asleep in your home. You are sleeping a very restful sleep. In the middle of your sleep cycle, your Higher Power suddenly grants you a miracle. He gives you an infinite gift which totally repairs ALL the problems in your life. Yes...all those things which have been bothering you are now "fixed". You ARE the best possible person you can be. Every area in your life, in which you have struggled is now made completely right.
OK. Now, you wake up. Write down the first way in which you would know that this miracle has taken place, and then go through all the areas of your life and review all the ways in which you would know that this miracle has taken place. What is your life like, now?
And, for today...(FOR REAL) act, as much as possible, AS IF that miracle had taken place and you are living in it.
Blessings in the Program
Donna-food addict
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